Yes, we're talking boy/girl (or similar gender-unspecific) relationships
Most relationships are bad. Or at least not ideal. I've had fewer than most people (because I've found a good one, several times),
but any number of relationships greater than one indicates that at least half your
relationships were bad.
So, what makes a bad relationship? The most tricky of questions. (Apart from the
answer "people")
The top answer would seem to be "It's not you, it's me" or "I don't know why,
it's just not right". These answers, to be bluntly sexist, are almost exclusively
female answers. Men's most common reason (though not always the one they say) is
"I've found someone else." Let us begin to classify.
Infidelity (mental or physical) ("I like someone else better").
Mistrust (usually linked with infidelity).
"I don't know why" (this is probably a subconscious mental infidelity).
Emotional issues ("I realise I don't actually like you").
Physical issues ("I need more sex" - often linked to "can get it elsewhere" infidelity).
Mental issues ("You are boring.")
"Space" ("I want more space" - this usually means "I want to fook other people")
These are also, obviously, the reasons for getting dumped. The only ones of these
commonly cited as reasons for getting dumped are the deceptive ones, space and unknown.
This is because most people don't have an honest relationship in the first place. Which
is probably an extra good reason to split up. So good.
The aftermath is my favourite part. Common aftermath tales of relationships include
Perceived infidelity and betrayal. "And she went off with my best friend, that bastard!"
Let us analyse this. She (the active party), went off (the action), with my best friend (the acted upon). And so he is a bastard.
Perhaps for betraying your trust that he would aid in keeping her entirely celibate and unloved for the rest of her life, because no-one else should ever touch her. Mmm.
Other people would blame the 'she'. (note that this applies equally with genders reversed, or spun in whatever way). Again, oh, that bitch, not remaining celibate
and unloved for the rest of her life. Or not moving to another country where she knows people who aren't the same people you know, who are off-limits because... er... you're an idiot?
Life Destruction. "She turned all my friends against me". What sort of crap friends did you have that would turn against you at the word of one person?
Give them all up and move on. Get some proper friends.
Self destruction. "What did I do wrong? I have to fix it". There are two versions of this. The one where you're mistaken, there's nothing wrong
with you, and the other was just stupid or had a preference for someone different. Someone else will suit you better. Probably more common is where you're
totally right that you did something wrong, and you'll probably never discover what. You're probably boring or repugnant. Most likely stupid. (except that you're
someone reading the deeper parts of my page, which is usually indicative of some intellect). If this is the case, you need to pay attention to detail more.
Think back. Think of things your partner kvetched about. Think of things they looked bored or otherwise turned off by. Try to remedy it.
It should also be noted that many who should take the self-destructive train of thought, don't. They probably go for the former.
"That bastard, stealing my girlfriend" or "that bitch, running off with him", rather than "dammit, I must stop being unattractive and dull".
In the words of a friend, they should consider "Hmm, maybe I am a lousy stinking bum".
Hypocrisy is perhaps the joining factor in all of this. "She turned all my friends against me", they kvetch, about the person in question, defaming them.
Whichever reason you consider, you're probably wrong. People usually are.
[ Think back... ]
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raven@ravenblack.net